the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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