I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
