Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize