Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
