just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
