That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
