Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
