Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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