I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
