could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
