I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
