Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
