I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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