do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just googled if crying burns calories
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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