Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
