At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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