Just cropdusted the office
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
