Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
