I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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