absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
