I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
