I'm jealous of your bromance
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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