I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Randomize
