just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
