Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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