Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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