why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
