Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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