so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
