Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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