Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
