I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize