what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
