Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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