dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
