And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
