Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize