Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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