I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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