Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
