in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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