how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
