I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
