my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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