and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
