So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
