At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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