You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
last night I used snow as a chaser
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
