Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
