He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
