I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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