waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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