I look better un-naked...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
