Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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