Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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