You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
