Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
