Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
