you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
