Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize