I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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