Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
