their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
