just come out here and I will go home with you...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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