i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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