you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
