Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
