Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
