Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
