butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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