he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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