At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Omg I joined a choir last night...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
