It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
