dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
