I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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