..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
