Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
MIDGETS
????
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
