I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
