do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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