Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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