you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
