The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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