I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
