Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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