love makes seman taste better
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
