i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
should my penis look like a turkey
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm at about main and main street
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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